Special Edition X13. HOTBits: DeSo scandals uncovered.

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Welcome to a very special edition of @BitsTODAY! Please note that this masterpiece is the work of @Jahnavi and @Sandstorm. It includes a treasure trove of hot goss 💅 from across the DeSo blockchain (not all of which is intended to be taken too literally). If offense is caused, well, direct your ire at the two writers of this edition, not @ASG 😂.

How did @Jahnavi and @Sandstorm set out to write a @BitsTODAY issue? Well, for one, @JasonDevlin fired them from their previous positions as @cloutcastunpaidintern for transferring a cut of transactions to their personal accounts. So they were in need of work. Despite public outcry advising against hiring them, we failed to do our due diligence on this one. Someone also blackmailed us into publishing this screenshot… so there’s that 😬

Ladies… over to you 🎙️

Welcome to the HotBits article 🥵! Don’t worry if you don’t get a chance to read it… @Sandirose will probs write a novel-length post about it. In case you haven’t heard, she’s writing a book, DeSo *not* for Dummies, and minting it. We suspect 90% of the content is, in fact, financial advice, e.g. which coins to buy, mainly talkin’ up her position in @diamondhands.💎🙌…

Where should we start the rest of this article? Since DeSo was founded in the US, maybe we should address the wanna-be 2024 presidential candidate. Seems @BrockPierson is having troubles with the baddies, considering they’re mixing him up with @BrockPierce. And with @streamclout roasting him on the daily, his ratings and campaign funding are running on the lower side 📉. Meanwhile, @MarioNawfal, the official DeSo sex symbol, is making a move to be @BrockPierson’s wingman (sinking ship and all). He built @misscreatorfund, essentially a beauty pageant that brings “visibility” to women on DeSo, in hopes to find a bachata partner… any luck so far 🤔?

Now that we have a couple roasts out of the way, here’s a preview of today’s HotBits on the menu 🍽️:

#1 @Sourdough’s biggest scandal revealed 🍞

#2 Can jealousy break the blockchain? ❌🧱⛓️

#3 @DannyWithAlotofUgene is actually mean for a reason 💁

#4 Don’t read if lactose-intolerant 🥛

#5 @streamclout roasts, for free 🆓

#6 @RajLahoti trumps Tiffany 🕵️

#1 @Sourdough’s biggest scandal revealed 🍞

When you see @sourdough’s account, you may think she seems like a wholesome person who is building a bread business on the blockchain with witty puns 🥖. You are mistaken. Let’s put it this way. You know how there can be tension between ‘traditional’ and modern stars? It’s mostly a social battle between TikTok influencers who think celebrities are overrated and celebrities who view TikTok influencers the way new money does old money. Shockingly, @sourdough has indicated to inside sources times that she is not who you think she is. She’s actually a TikTok mega influencer with millions of dedicated followers who took Charli D’amelio and Addison Rae under her wing. Our sources claim she is planning on a major onboard of TikTok users soon, which is basically bitclout.com’s only hope for mass adoption 🙏. Makes you realize how a loaf of bread could be verified all along ✔️.

#2 Can jealousy break the blockchain? ❌🧱⛓️

News flash. @Cloutpups and @Doodles are embroiled in a vicious feud 🐕🐶. Is it because they’re contending for the title of ‘big dogs of DeSo’? Maybe. Or maybe it’s cuz neither of them are getting enough attention from @Clayoglesby. Clay and @Doodles worked on Lu1s puzzles together back in the day and had a pretty swell bromance goin’. Then @Doodles built @doodlesacademy tho, which is when things started going awry 😞.

Clay created @Clayo (a more ‘professional’ side of him) to apply. But Clay didn’t get accepted. In the mood for revenge, he started @Cloutpups. Shortly after, he got distracted by memeing people — leaving both @Doodles and @Cloutpups on the sidelines. An insider from HotBits said “Clay gave them no warning. He just started canceling people left and right and mooning his coin.” Now, @artz, the troublemaker that he is, bought a Clownpup just to stir the pot even further. We see a storm brewing here… ⛈️

#3 @DannyWithAlotofUgene is actually mean for a reason 💁

Our highly reliant source @nvo informed us that @nader actually hired @DannyWithAlotofUgene early on to recruit boomers from Facebook to DeSo. The number of straight-to-the-point roasts 🍖 he does shows you he’s an old-timer from the web2 world. He’s got no time for irony or subtle jabs. Really, it’s an intricate ruse to show folks in nursing homes that blockchain can be for them too, though. Talk about 3D chess. ♟️

#4 Don’t read if lactose-intolerant 🥛

@DRTYMLK is actually 2% milk 🥛😋. He used to be drty, but now he does anything but roast. While he thought we were all having a confidential watercooler conversation in the @BitsToday headquarters, he also admitted that his coin holders are actually angels 😇 and that he secretly has a “big ol’ crush” on @dripcult that developed when the two started cheating on DeSo with ETH NFTs. So, if you would like to receive an endless shower of compliments, please consider investing in DRTYMLK’s coin. @DRTYMLK — we advise you to stay away from @streamclout.

#5 @streamclout roasts, for free 🆓

Despite many attempts to stop their Thursday night “f**kery”, @streamclout is officially too big to fail. @Knight10 has tried to reign things in a bit, insisting that the usual suspects take diversity and inclusion courses because of their relentless sexually explicit memes (cough @Illumemenati and @methamphetameme)… But instead @LazyNina keeps blasting them onto global. Seriously fam, we have @pinkstar for that now 😏.

#6 @RajLahoti trumps Tiffany 🕵️

The warning came directly from the breaking-news-boys themselves, namely the @Krassentsein brothers. @TiffanyATrump is really @RajLahoti. Tiffany must have claimed “her” reserved account on his behalf and sent herself some of her coins as BTC. @RajLahoti then wasted no time in running questionable raj-pull posts… he didn’t even bother refreshing the copy from his earlier scammy days! 💝

Well? How’d y’all like the first edition of HotBits 🥵? Don’t h8 us too much. It’s all love ❤. See you again soon for another edition* ;). No one is safe!

(*Editor’s note: we haven’t yet agreed to another edition. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. -ASG)

@Jahnavi and @sandstorm — BitsTODAY interns (for now).

BitsTODAY, a nightly digest of far-out experiments, sick posts, general absurdity, and everything in between happening in the world of DeSo & BitClout… rn.

BitsTODAY, a nightly digest of far-out experiments, sick posts, general absurdity, and everything in between happening in the world of DeSo & BitClout… rn.